Reflection: Bruised and Scarred

Lately I’ve been thinking about my past long distance relationship of about 5 years, though this year makes it 7 years that I’ve known him.

Like every relationship it started off amazing. He was very charming and devoted to me entirely. At the time I thought it was OK to get rid of everyone in my life for him, what can I say? I was young, stupid, and in love. Every time I had any interaction with any other being, he’d get jealous and leave me for a couple days to sometimes a couple of months. I’d cry and cry everyday, never realizing all that I put my best friends through until now. They always gave me advice and helped me no matter what, but now that we’re older we don’t talk much anymore… Which is OK with me since I will forever love them. Its already sad that I could never get any friends in real life and depended on a game called “Wizard101” to be happy. Its been 2 years since I’ve touched the game actually… I have no friends… Just an amazing daddy who has taken care of me ever since my ex destroyed me entirely. Daddy and I have been best friends for a long time and his support is what got me through, he was all I really had in real life to get me by.

My ex has always put me through a lot of poop. From banning me on “wizard101” like 3 times, which is where all my friends were, my only friends, to posting my nudes on porn sites that he manipulated me into giving him in the first place. Oh not to mention him threatening me to leave my daddy or he’d send them to friends and family! He still had all those nudes ages ranging from 12-15. Since I’m 18+ now I can’t do anything about it and I was too scared of what my parents would think when I was younger to even try to do anything. He has done so much more to me that has messed me up psychologically, turned me into a masochist, and gave me severe anxiety.

Sometimes writing about it soothes me and keeps the anxiety down.. Sorry for the little rant.